Books

his bold and beautiful act of sharing shows the power of overcoming abuse.

Because I Didn’t Tell by I. Katchastarr is a chilling confessional memoir about abuse and finding the courage to start anew.
Katchastarr’s marriage and motherhood began in the most terrible way: through rape. Susceptible to the coercion of her attacker, an ex-boyfriend, she found herself in a nightmare. She married him, had his baby, and suffered years of repeated abuse.

While she was pregnant with their second child and nearing her breaking point, her situation became even more horrific: her husband raped their daughter. Finally, she had the insight and courage to leave, but her path to healing would be decades long and fraught with secrets. In this memoir, Katchastarr finally regards herself as able to see her situation with clarity, share it openly, and choose to forgive herself over hiding in shame.
The narrative is fast moving and high tension. It includes just the right amount of detail to craft scenes and show the terror of their situations. Dialogue is tense and realistically terse, brimming with stress.

The brevity of the book and its chapters makes it possible to face this dark narrative with few anxious breaks. To help ease the tension and to show growth, each chapter ends with a list of things Katchastarr forgives herself for and a “Pearl of Wisdom”—both reminders to herself and gifts to her audience. These elements are a beautiful window into what it means to heal and an invitation to self-forgiveness for things both big and small.
During each phase of her journey, Katchastarr shares her story as she felt and saw it at the time rather than focusing on how she’s learned and grown since. This method provides vital insights into her mind and heart as she is facing abuse.

This bold and beautiful act of sharing shows the power of overcoming, helping others imagine a path forward or understand how abuse happens and what effects it has on those who are abused.
Katchastarr italicizes pronouns related to her abuser; it’s an unneeded emphasis for the audience. Beyond setting the abuser apart in the text, the work does not spend time villainizing him: his actions do that for themselves.

Instead, the book’s focus is on Katchastarr: her actions, her thoughts, her compassion for herself despite her mistakes. Because I Didn’t Tell is a breathless story that shows a woman suffering the worst imaginable realities but surviving with hope.

MELISSA WUSKE (November 21, 2017)

From: Carol Tipler with pen name, Anne Ravenoak, author of The Storyteller and his Story, Marten River Hideaway, The Returning, Secrets of the Bluebird Inn, Gentle Annie, and Touring With Merri, lives in North Bay, Ontario, with her husband.
“THIS IS A WINNER! This is a striking and poignant story that Hay House will EMBRACE.”

Her review:
“Forget The Handmaid’s Tale or Fifty Shades of Grey. Fantasy cannot hold a candle to the real world of Because I Didn’t Tell. Katchastarr (pseudonym) writes of her traumatic experiences of abuse and incest with forthright detail that keeps the reader intensely involved in her story. It is at once an emotionally clearing venue for the author and a manual to help others escape from their victimization. Victims must realize that they should not feel guilty or ashamed, the author points out; they must speak out to protect themselves.
Throughout her story, one thing is clear: Misogyny is alive and flourishing. Thirty years ago and even today, the words of a pathological liar often took and still take precedence over a victim’s statements. People hesitate to speak up about abuse, either as a victim or as a witness, because they find it difficult to face up to their own vulnerabilities or culpabilities.
The author’s love for her parents, especially her mom, stands out, and she realizes her deep-seated need to please her parents and siblings. It came as a shock to realize that her parents were only human with human frailties. They supported her as much as they could, yet a comment from her dad led to a distancing which took her a long time to recover from.
As well, agencies that are supposed to be there to support victims often fall short of their goal and cause more problems than they solve. In the final analysis, the journey Katchastarr took to overcome her adversities was rough, but she emerged triumphant, and, she tells her readers, they can triumph too.
Because I Didn’t Tell is a must-read for anyone, victim or not.

From: Barbara Anello Bsc, MBA, OMC

“I finished my first read-through of your amazing manuscript.
Although it initially triggered me, I can honestly admit that it was incredibly cathartic … perhaps it’s because time, experience, and wisdom have helped heal me through this journey.
Your book, Because I Didn’t Tell, and how powerfully you detailed the gratitude and pearls of wisdom lifted me up and made my spirit soar.
YOUR manuscript helped me relive my experiences in a different light… that made it wonderful. I identified very much with your struggles and I know we are not alone in what we’ve survived. xoxox

I never met anyone before who articulated, as well as you have, a different perspective… and how much better off you are that you forgave so you could move forward. Bless you beautiful.”

In June 1995, Barbara Anello was recognized by the Ministry of Culture and Citizenship as a recipient for the prestigious Ontario Medal for Good Citizenship for her work in pioneering prevention initiatives in the brain injury movement.

From: Anne Danielle Gingras Msc.D author of The Old Man on the Bench

“Because I Didn’t Tell is raw, chilling and extremely honest. In her very deeply emotional and graphic account of her personal journey, I. Katchastarr explains how she rose above the darkness to embrace the light which existed within her soul. Readers will discover their own inner strength and truth as they absorb her message, and embrace her pearls of wisdom. An important read for those seeking to heal themselves.”

From: Penny Tremblay Director, Tremblay Leadership Centre

“Because I Didn’t Tell is a true story of one woman’s adversity, survival and personal power to create a better life despite the entrapments of abuse, victimhood and the needs of others. Life shows us red flags as critical guidance to living a life filled with ease and grace. Pay attention and course correct. Let this story be your inspiration.”

From: Joy M. Editing Dept. at Balboa Press

“Thank you for the opportunity to edit Because I Didn’t Tell. Wow! You have an amazing story, and it is certainly one worth telling. You have done an incredible job of capturing all that you
and your daughters went through and the many ways you grew through everything. Congratulations on all you have accomplished. I wish you the best of luck as you move forward with the publishing
process.”

From: The BluInk

“Rape and child abuse are a one-two punch no person should suffer. In Because I Didn’t Tell, author I. Katchastarr details the nightmare she lived through and ultimately escaped from.
Katchastarr’s story opens with her sharing a platonic dinner date with an ex-boyfriend. Instead of parting as friends, he violently rapes her, an attack that leaves her pregnant and bewildered. Her ex is a master manipulator who manages to learn this news and forces her into marriage at literal gunpoint. Their life together is miserable, and soon there’s reason to suspect he’s sexually abusing their infant daughter. Under threats that he would kill her, their child, and her whole family if she told anyone what was happening, Katchastarr alienates her worried parents and struggles to secure a divorce and finally escape her abuser.
Each chapter ends with a list of things the author can now forgive herself for, such as believing the threats and not divulging what was happening sooner. She follows them with a positive affirmation of self-worth.
Part of the book’s strength is its first-person narration; hearing the story from one who lived through it is undeniably gripping. But there are a few passages that could have been more explanatory, such as the one about the Canadian legal system forcing the author to allow her husband child visitations to collect evidence of abuse, a practice that seems ghoulish at best. Additionally, Katchastarr’s decision to give her ex the unlikely pseudonym Phidelopé and then refer to him with he, his, and him (all italicized), in order to anonymize him, simply draws more attention; thankfully it doesn’t greatly detract from the story’s impact.
Katchastarr shows growth over the course of the narrative, finally freeing herself and her children from their abuser and learning to empathize with him upon learning he was likely abused by his own father. Her story may comfort those similarly afflicted—and encourage aggrieved readers to speak up before a bad situation becomes worse.”