Pregnancy as a result of RAPE
It’s bad enough that women who survive rape have to deal with shame, guilt, fear, insecurity, anxiety, depression, self-esteem issues, nightmares, replay of the event in their mind and PTSD for something they had no control over; now they are faced with a new dilemma. They must decide whether to abort or keep this child. For many, by the time they realize they are pregnant it is too late for an abortion to even be an option.
I didn’t even have the honour of a choice; as my stalker, ex-boyfriend, rapist hunted me down and took great pride in announcing to me…with gun in hand…that I was pregnant. He then threatened to kill me, and all those I love, if I dared to tell anyone the truth about this pregnancy and that I had to follow through with his plan for our future together…or else!!! He bragged about how he tricked our family physician into telling him first about the pregnancy; how he told the doctor we were trying to get pregnant and that he wanted to be the one to tell me first! UGH!
Fear-filled, I surrendered to my abuser and agreed to his terms. My attention was immediately focused upon the well being of this unborn child. Everything I learned from my mother prepared me to be the BEST MOM…and I wanted children, someday; I just never dreamed they would come from RAPE! I decided to love this child whole-heartedly now and forevermore and I treated this child like the miracle she is. I remained calm through hellish challenges and I sang to her (as she grew in my womb) to calm myself and her during his outrages.
Even though my parents were married, my Mom raised us mostly as a single parent; as my father was busy working as a full-time police officer and on-call fireman and ambulance attendant. Yes, I am so grateful that he supported us financially and sad that he was appointed the purposeful job as key disciplinarian…all my mother had to say to quiet my brother, my sister and I was:
“Just wait until your Father gets home!”
We immediately fell into line just from imagining what this big man could say or do to us! (In reality he’s a Big Teddybear). I am forever grateful for their team-work approach to parenting us and for the joy of parenting that I embraced as a result of my life with them.
On the day that he, my rapist ex-boyfriend now gun-shot wedded husband, did the unthinkable…I reached my boiling point; my 212*F. I came home the day after delivering our twins, (alone in the hospital as he was nowhere to be found that afternoon) only to discover that he had taken advantage of my absence to sexually assault our then 22-month-old daughter! Yes, the daughter conceived from the initial rape!! Something inside of me died that day; a piece of my soul was scorched by the devil himself. This ignited a fearless fire to seek safety and freedom for me, and my two girls (my son died).